A Journey with Jesus

I know it’s been awhile since I have updated anything on our family. With good reason, I think. I just recently hit my one year anniversary of doctors finding my tumor. As many as you know our family hit a little curve in the road, a trial, a growth spurt, a journey with Jesus. Wow, has this been an amazing time of reflection, growth, tears, scares and complete brokenness. I was asked recently by a friend, “What did you learn this year? What do you think this journey was about?” Honestly I couldn’t answer her without balling like a baby. So my response to her was, “I think I am still getting a glimpse and understanding and I am not sure if I will ever know.” I left it at that and went on with my day, though it had me racking my brain asking, “God what was this about?” As I hit my one year anniversary I had an hour of reflection, talking with God, reading letters, emails and cards. I came across another email from a friend that asked a very similar question, why does God continue to bring trials into our lives?


The picture they drew for us before my first surgery.

I had months to lie in bed and reflect on what God was and is continuing to do in our lives. I ponder the ten years of trials in our life and family. Crying out, why God, why did you take our baby girl Mackenzie, why did Ryan go to war having our family separated and now a tumor with so many complications that will forever change my life! Now after all that I have been through I am stuck in bed, sick, not being able to be the wife and mom I want to be. Why? I think God wanted me to be vulnerable and seek Him in a way I never had. I know in those darkest moments of thoughts and questions He remained constant and sovereign. God continues to whisper in my ear, speak to my spirit and touch my heart with the journey he has me on. Even though we go through heartache, he will never forsake us. He won’t leave me even when I feel my worst. 

My induced coma at OHSU after my 2nd surgery getting ready for the 3rd.

 I remember having a conversation with a dear friend shortly after we had Mackenzie. Many tears were shed with this friend and she shared with me God will use you; he will use you in a way you never thought he would. He will take the pain you have right now and he will use that pain to help someone else going through loss and sorrow. There is something more to this and His picture is so much bigger than you can imagine. Little did I know that our loss of our precious little girl, my husband going to war, would be preparing me for what would lay ahead.

This summer a very sweet gal was brought into my life for reasons similar to ours. She and her husband just recently lost their sweet baby boy. I did not know her personally. In fact when I was asked to chat with her, I had no idea what would lay ahead. I just happened to give a short version of our loss of Mackenzie and if she ever needed to talk I would be here. Well she did contact me and I, without a doubt, know God knew we needed to meet. Our stories and how we met is part of God’s plan. When having dinner with her this last week I had that moment where the light bulb went on, in awe of what God was doing right before my eyes. To see this come full circle and try and reason or make sense of something I thought I may be reading too much into you. The only thing that I got was a whisper a pounding at my heart from Jesus saying, “Molly, there is a reason for this, your heartache, your tumor, your bump in the road is going to be used for my purpose, to share and encourage another couple who has this same heartache.” We forever have a connection with this couple. We have both had stillborn babies. I have had the privilege of sharing with her what it was like for me and how God saw me through this incredibly hard time in our lives. I don’t know where she and her husband are exactly in their faith or how they feel about Jesus, but I know we are here to share with them how much Jesus loves them. How his desire is for an intimate relationship and for them to seek Him through this incredibly hard time in their lives.



March 26, 2004 Mackenzie Faith's pretty little feet.

 I have been sharing with Ryan over the last year and more recently I have had this continued pounding at my heart, lump in my throat, that God is trying to tell me more. Every message, every song, every conversation is pointing me back to this same thing. All of these trials, none bigger than the other, was to grow me, to take God at his word and to choose to believe that He is good even when we’re suffering. The truth is He is the only thing that is constant, our rock, He is the only one that will never change and no matter what we’re walking through we can rest assured that He will never forsake us, not for one moment.
I know there is more to this story, this journey. I know God is gently knocking at my heart to share my story. I have lots to share. I am not sure how that looks or how I am to do this. I just know my love for Jesus and my desire to seek Him is even bigger now. I am patiently waiting for His timing as to how the rest of His story for me and our family will be.  Thank you to all of you who supported us and prayed for our family during our trials. God knew we would need the body of Christ to help and encourage us through these tough times.



“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6